My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
