You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
