I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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