I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
