It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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