Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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