I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
