i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
