I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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