Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
