I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
