I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
