If i come over, it means nothing
we have officially lost it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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