Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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