Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
