you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
