Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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