Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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