Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is Oprah even human
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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