I'm eating all of the evidence.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
