im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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