I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
