dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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