My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
