problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize