im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
