I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
