thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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