She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Drunk is not a location!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
