2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
