well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
