You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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