just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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