I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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