Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
