Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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