Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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