Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I party with great urgency now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
