Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm too high and old for this...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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