I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
