hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
