You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
