u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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