Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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