My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
