Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
