Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
