I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
