I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize