she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
