the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
