omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
