Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
