Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
