my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
