we're chasing vodka with high fives
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
