dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
