i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
