oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
