never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
