i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
