So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
