That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
