I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Let's get the cat blown out
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
