did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
