i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
