I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
